TRANSCRIPT

New Year’s Resolutions | How to Keep Going After 'Quitter's Day’ Ep 11

Iva 1:17

Hey everyone, Happy New Year from the Mom Bosses Abroad team. We’re here with my beautiful co-host Desiree and I. We are wishing you a great start into the year 2023. Can you believe it's 2023 already?

Desiree 1:49

Happy New Year everyone! I cannot believe it. Last year has flown by so quickly, hasn't it?

Iva 1:57

Yes. I don't know. I don't know what happened. I think it just got momentum around the April/May mark and then also study just it was Christmas, It just went into December like all of a sudden. We were just like weeks away from 2023. And now we are on the first week of 2023. So already it's going by very quickly.

Desiree 2:24

Yes, it's definitely always a new beginning and new a time for people to reflect on the last year but also really to look forward into the new year and it is definitely a time where a lot of people set their goals, set their resolutions, so to say and we were talking about that ourselves_ about all the resolutions we may have and it really got us thinking how many people actually follow through with them throughout the year. Because it's always exciting the first weeks, ‘oh my New Year's resolution is this’ but then you talk to people mid-year and either they don't know what it is anymore, they've forgotten, they've pivoted.. so you surprised me with quite a few facts as well there.

Iva 3:22

Yes. So today's episode is, is I would say it's definitely more on the cliched side of things and we decided to do that with a bit of a purpose and with a bit of you know, having fun and seeing how we can twist it in a way that it reflects us in our most authentic self as moms who are living abroad and who are doing all the things and what does it mean when a New Year starts for us? Like what does that look like? And that you always have all these expressions, you know, New year, new me, but it's already January 5, and it's a new year, but it's the old us in a way, right? The old us just trying to make plans for what's ahead in a sense and yes, there are very interesting statistics surrounding resolutions and new year goals and all these things that we seem to want to accomplish. It’s the equivalent almost of passing the page or starting to write on a brand new notebook. It's a new year that opens up ahead of us. But unfortunately, the statistics are not in our favor because one in three people are going to be failing their New Year's resolutions in the first month and that means that in the first month, right? So and that only 10% of people are actually successful at keeping their New Year's resolutions throughout the whole year. So if you in December, had a plan and you decided that you wanted to pursue something on January 13th you have the opportunity to quit, because that's the day in the calendar that is known as Quitters Day- that's the day where most people already gave up on their New Year's resolutions

Desiree 5:26

I had no idea that such a day actually exists. Yes, that my must be something because it really only takes less than two weeks for people to quit and why do we think that people quit so fast?

Iva 5:45

So, it seems that there's a combination of different factors. But the main one is that just because you are making a resolution to change your life in a certain way, and there's this arbitrary date of okay, from December 31 to January 1st- New Year so everything changed. That's not really the case, is it? Nothing really changed. We're still in our same life. We're still in the same, most likely situation how on how we ended the year, how we're beginning, where and how we're beginning it in terms of we're surrounded by the same people. Possibly we're still living in the same place. We have our habits so ingrained in us that people can sometimes overestimate their willpower. And this is something that is quite interesting because we talked about it in episode eight and episode seven of the of this new season in our podcast, where I was sharing the secrets of the mind. And what happens is that we make resolutions with our conscious mind. Like we come in and we say ‘This is what I want to do.’ Some of the most popular resolutions in fact and maybe if you're listening to this, maybe you can relate, maybe you thought about exercising more or losing weight or getting more organized. You know you want to do more Marie Kondo around the house, or you want to learn a new skill or hobby or language and another popular one is living life to the fullest. And of course, there's the one about saving more money, spending less money or just money overall_ like financial goals that are the most popular of those resolutions. But then what happens is that as we were seeing what are the factors that come in that prevent you from really pursuing them to the full loop cycle of saying okay, the whole year I stopped to this resolution or the whole year I stuck to making this goal a reality. And so using only willpower is going to take you only so far because it's only your conscious mind wanting to do a change where your subconscious mind is probably not on board. So it's good always to analyze and go a little bit deeper. People sometimes they feel that they don't have the resources or the time right? Hello, every busy mom out there. Lack of time, lack of resources, motivation. I think motivation has a lot to do with willpower. Sometimes we just want to make things happen. But we haven't stepped in into a new identity of what does that look like? And also our habits that are so ingrained- we get up the same way. We go about or morning the same way, we drink from the same coffee mug or matcha mug, (if you're a match evangelist like I am) and so it tends to follow that we go into almost on autopilot. It's very hard to pull out of it.

Desiree 9:09

That's why I'm also surprised that you said that Quitters Day is already on the 13th which is not even like halfway into the month. And as we know that it takes about at least 30 days to form a new habit, doesn't it? I mean, these are different out there. But that's why most of the challenges are like 30-day challenges because that is actually how long it takes to form an actual habit that's gonna stick around as well. That's gonna lead to some sort of transformation. So it's really, you know, people need to give themselves a bit more time to form a habit tied to their resolutions and it also makes you more conscious that you it doesn't only have to be resolution but it really should be a commitment. You should have a commitment to yourself, a commitment to your family or in whichever aspect you are. You are planning this. It's probably also nice to speak to your partner about it. Maybe to hold each other accountable. Accountability always plays a really big role.

Iva 10:30

Yes, yes. Any accountability partners into that. I think this podcast wouldn't have made it past its first I don't know, couple of months or episodes if we hadn't jumped into it together with the accountability of holding each other in the process. I was there a few times I remember at the beginning where I would say ‘Oh, Des is waiting on the other side’ like you know, not waiting on that I was not going on the call actually. But waiting on the other side, like, hey, we had agreed that we were going to split up. I don't know doing this and doing that and you take care of this. You take care of that. So knowing that the other person is waiting on you to come through with whatever you committed to was important to me to keep that promise and to keep my word. And so that motivated me to be like, ‘oh, yeah, you know, sometimes it wasn't about oh, I want to do it for myself, but it's sort of like I don't really want to fail this person that thinks this way of me.’

Desiree 11:38

Right. It's like this mutual respect as well. towards each other and the beautiful goal that we've set, right? Yeah. And even now I feel you know, we both are growing our own businesses. We are moms to little ones and we get busy with life but then you know, we just like Have you finished editing that episode? I guess. Yes. It's it's coming, you know, but it's like reminding each other pulling each other like a lot but in a really fun and positive way. And it's always, I also feel that if I were doing it alone, I don't know if I would not have survived to this season.

Iva 12:17

It's really the power of accountability. So before we go into that, because I want to go back into becoming an accountability partner. But before we go into that, I also want to add to what you said about commitment to the fact that yes, it makes sense when you are planning from a more holistic way. Not just let's take for example, the biggest one right_ exercising or losing weight, is the one of the biggest New Year's resolutions out there that people tend to quit the most. Or quit the fastest on January.13th. Probably everybody's like ‘I'm done.’ But what happens there is I would say it's two-fold. It's first of all, yeah, like how are you bringing your current lifestyle and your family into this? Wanting to be healthy? Is it because for you maybe looks like I don't know, maybe being very cutthroat and seeing only green juices and salads for me now for a whole month but what is your family going to eat? Is everyone on board? is your spouse in agreement with that? They still want to stick to their, you know, carbs and whatnot. And the other aspect is what is that underlying purpose of why you want what you want. And that ties in with your values. So one of the things that really worked for me when I began to meditate every day, like I have been meditating every single day for almost three years now. Every single day, it's like, did I meditate on December 31. I did. I meditated on January 1. I did. I have stuck with it. I have really stuck with it. But what happened there was a couple of things. First of all, I really did a revision on my values. What were those fundamental building blocks that I wanted to bring into this new phase of my life. And if you really want to go deeper into that we really covered that very, very much in depth on episode, I believe 16 of season one. Go check it out because I also remember that I walked you through that really quick exercise of how you could determine what were your core values in that moment. And you don't have to marry them forever. Like it's not like ‘oh, these are my values and I'm stuck with them forever.’ But in that phase or stage in your life, maybe those are the ones that work. So go and check it out. It's really cool exercise.

Desiree 15:01

I remember because it gave me a lot of clarity on my values. And sometimes you often think you know what your values are but like it's really good to do that check in with yourself. But then also I think it ties in quite a lot with your Why.

Iva 15:17

Yes, for me,

Desiree 15:19

It is definitely something I go back to again and again, especially when I'm in a phase, a more like downward phase of like, ‘oh, hi I don't know if I can, I don't know if I want to continue.’ I always go back to my why because it will definitely be tied to that somehow. And that is the one factor that keeps it all going for me even on days that may be more difficult. So values and having your why I think are essential in this process.

Iva 16:50

And that will lead you eventually to start envisioning yourself as this new 2.0 self, which is what we'd like to think of ourselves in the New Year. That's why it's so so so cliched, New Year, New Me right and it's because we have this sense of wanting to step into our potential of what we think we really can be capable of. But embodying this new identity is key as well. So if I think that if you're trying to really get into your New Year's resolutions, with your old 1.0 identity, with your old self doing the same things, going through the same habits and operating from that autopilot system, then you're going to be going into the same results and taking the same actions but they're not really leading you to where you want to go. So I always use this as an example because I think it's so so powerful. And this, you can probably justify this with a real life example. It's like, you know, people that have dietary restrictions that for some reason, you know, all of a sudden, they really are intolerant to gluten, or they they discover they are celiac or maybe they just go completely vegan. You don't see them_once they make that decision of saying like, ‘This is who I am now. This is what I'm all about.’ You don't see vegan people sweating, waking up in the morning with dread and anxiety thinking, ‘Oh my god, I got invited to a lunch or I need to get on a plane and what am I going to do if there's no food and if everything you know has meat in it or oh my God, it's going to be terrible. I think I'm gonna have to have that burger then.’ Because there's no other choice. They just don't eat that. And they just say, well, because this is not me. This is not what I'm about and then they just provision or they just find a different way eventually to eat something at a place that is catering to their to their dietary needs and, and decisions. And the same has been for you and I think that you embody this really well when you decided to go on that toxic-free lifestyle and it's about I am ditching every single nasty chemical out there from my household. And you had this compelling wh. But I want you to tell it from your point of view because this is really inspiring because a lot of us might be thinking okay, instead of vanity metrics, maybe that's what it is about losing weight and being more health right maybe it's more about let's go a little bit deeper. Like what is this purpose all about? Is it ultimate wellness and well-being throughout my whole life not just this year, those few extra pounds, whatever that I want to lose, but you know, can you share your story on that?

Desiree 20:06

It's really amazing how a lot of people like their resolutions are really fixated on the aesthetics of things, on the external factors and the way they look and everything but I think it really goes like you said much deeper into a deeper commitment to yourself right? How do you feel and then no matter what the scale says you will feel good because it is about something that goes much deeper. But for me as well my trigger for going into this toxic-free lifestyle was really my children or my son back that my firstborn that I have all of a sudden a responsibility towards someone else. So that's why I started to make these changes and I've gone through different phases of that to the first one is and that brings me to the point as well that a lot of people feel overwhelmed once they make this type of decision. The overwhelm creeps in ‘oh my God there is so much I have to change! There's so much I need to do, nevermind’ and there's so much

Iva 21:18

information out there right like how do we even go about it and then you feel go down rabbit holes correct

Desiree 21:24

And people are overwhelmed. First of all, I think it's always good to, again, have a community or have an accountability partner to talk with and everything I did for sure. But also to make it achievable. Right and to say, You know what, it doesn't have to happen overnight. It's going to be on the timeline and kind of saying, you know, whenever something runs out, I'm not going to buy it again. I'm going to at that point, replace it with a healthier and a more natural option. And so that's what I did and it took me almost two years to now really say I think our house is very much toxic free

Iva 22:09

And I love that! I love that to highlight it because you didn't go from again, December 31 to January 1 and you're like everything is out of the house and now we're making the complete switch. It was like two years, because then you feel like a quitter. Not that you feel like a failure within those two years. Like ‘oh, I'm not going faster’ because you knew that you were in the right track

Desiree 22:36

Exactly. Instead, I kept feeling prouder and prouder. Because first it was like you know, personal care and skin care and these things then it came into my cleaning items and then it came into like I did like little by little or as something was running out. But then you feel so proud of yourself it fueled me and I went further and I was like okay now make up you know things like that. Now, this and now that so you go into like more detail. Things as well. And I think that's really the key into making it achievable and taking it step by step.

Iva 23:14

Right like bite-size, we tend to be so ambitious but I don't think we are ambitious because we want to be greedy. It's just that we're ambitious because we don't dimension all the different layers and steps that it would entail to get to that goal so maybe we get discouraged maybe the Quitters Day is also about you went to the gym five days and you already want to see a six pack and it's like well, no, that's not how it works,

Desiree 23:53

You're gonna try and it will take a while to see results.

Iva 23:56

Yeah, there’s an invisible gap between starting out doing the things that you know you need to do, and seeing those results. Maybe there is that space of faith and holding on to constancy and holding on to that accountability partner and holding on to the bigger Why. Okay, I know there's, I know that in this journey. I will eventually be able to, I don't know chase my kids around the block 10 times and today I cannot even get to the corner. So I know I'm going to get there but it's just it's just going to take a little bit longer and you won't see the results from day to day, that's just in hindsight almost or when you stop after, I don't know six months and you really evaluate but that's playing the long game. And I think that's also a big a big one, playing the long game in whatever we pursue. And that's why vanity tends to not be sustainable because we're doing it from a place of ego and not from a place of playing the long, long game. So even if I fall off the horse I can still get back on it even if I maybe ate those fries. I shouldn't have done that but I can always correct course and make a more mindful choice for dinner or for my snack or whatever. But also coming at it from a place of compassion and, and grace. I think it's very important. And since we are really having mom conversations here this is what we are embodying from our feminine_ being moms and experiencing life as women. We do need not necessarily to be so hardcore but be more flowing in the process.

Desiree 26:00

Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that because now going into my toxic-free lifestyle once again, of course there were moments where first of all, I was like wow, it's a lot! But like you mentioned as well focusing on the long game and I always had my little son in front of me, in front of my eyes, right? Because I'm doing it for him eventually. For all of us. But he's my trigger. And now he is five I have another one she's one. And you know, I can proudly say that none of them have ever taken medicine for example, because I've been able to by persevering to build up this kind of lifestyle right to live more natural, but also so I went through a phase definitely that was very extreme, because I wanted to over achieve a little bit and I went to a point where I stopped, I love, I'm a I'm a girly girl. Okay, I love getting my nails done. I love getting my hair done. I've stopped doing these kind of self-care beauty rituals because I'm like, No, it's toxic. I can’t put all this nail polish on, you know, I'm not gonna wear my favorite lipstick anymore because what is it going to do to me? I'm only going to go with this and this. I was being so hard on myself that it stopped being fun at one point. And then my husband you know, he's like, look, I know this is better for me, but I'm just not gelling with this product that you got me. I'm gonna go back to my old and I got really upset. I was like putting all these facts in front of them but this is what it's got to. I got it was a bit out of control.

Iva 27:46

You're like, you're derailing me from my plan.

Desiree 27:49

That was another thing where it's like the other side of overwhelm right? Where I was overachieving a little bit, and it stopped being like, it stopped being fun or good for me too. So it was not too long ago that I reassessed and re-evaluated it. And I said, Look, we're in this together for a whole family for living. abroad. There's already a lot of things we need to consider. So I just follow this 8020 rule for myself, right to say, look, I'm doing I'm really proud of myself. I'm proud of what we achieved in our household and for ourselves. There is this grace and that ties in so beautifully. We are moms we need to give ourselves grace, we need compassion. We need to let go a little bit right. I didn't have time to bake this plant based, you know, loaf of banana bread. So you know my little one is going to get an afternoon snack from the convenience store today. That's okay. And I started thinking like that or you know, now I'm getting my nails done again because, hey, it makes me feel really happy and really good. You know, I don't have it all the time. But it's something why not? And you get to that point that feels right for you. And very you say I am giving that grace to myself.

Iva 29:22

And yeah and I know that we sometimes are bringing in this old persona from our previous iteration probably as corporate women. We were single we were only accountable to ourselves and we could be very hardcore or we could be you know, all in all or nothing type of behavior. But being now mothers, being now partners, family, we have to take into consideration other people's desires and needs and beliefs and values as well and we need to reach a sort of compromise because otherwise then what is the whole point? And so when you mentioned right that your husband was like, Okay, I'm not feeling this, I want to do it this way. And, and you have to, you have to navigate that you have to have a lot of open communication and conversations to find what is going to work for you both right? It's very, very important. So that's why New Year's resolutions, if they are made in a vacuum, where it's just me, myself and I, the new year starts and I have decided that this is where I want to go well how does that fit within the bigger scope of things? And I love what you said also that our children can be our biggest teachers and they can also be a really true source of inspiration and motivation. Because when we do things in their name, so to speak, when we see them and we say and this is why I meditate every day. Because I also say to myself I first I want them to see this habit, how is it been ingrained in a passive way by observing and watching and that they have this beautiful tool that they can always access later down the line when it's going to be much more needed because of the world that we live in but also it makes me show up better than in the past when I was not meditating and I was only in my head and I was not grounding myself enough. So that is the reason why I like to I the way I say it is very is very comical, as you say you have to have fun with this things. And sometimes I'm like, oh, so I've been meditating almost for three years. I wonder what's going to happen if I go for four. I already know I'm gonna go for four. I know it's already part of my identity, but yet isn't that it's already full on encoded embedded like that's I meditate period. It's like people that go vegan and they're like, I don't eat meat. That's who I am like don't even you know, it's like a no brainer. Like why would I even have to debate myself on that. So it's great when you get to that point because then it's just so effortless and it's just like yeah, I meditate like, I know, I know in one point during my day that's going to happen like I don't have to fret and I'm the preoccupied that there's no time or that dinner has to be made or whatever. It's like yeah, I'm gonna meditate and my family already knows that. That's, that's what I do. And they respect that and, and so, so forth. So all the things end up stacking up. So I think that this this has touched upon on quite a few interesting things and I wanted to ask you, do you have a New Year's resolution for this year? We haven't talked about that. But I was saving it for the actual recording of the episode.

Desiree 33:05

You know what I think in the moment it's just in my head so it's like the first time I think I want to voice it out. I want to lose weight. I want to go Just kidding. I thought about this as well. I wanted to really make sure that you know going a little bit back to the business sense that they weren't smart goals as well I because you don't often we throw around the terms our days or resolutions. We're like yeah, I'm gonna do that. But what does it actually look like? You know, in order for it to be achievable. I really needed it to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. Right. So I wanted to not like in a business plan but kind of put these things around it. So in the past year, again, I was reflecting on last year. A lot of things happen. We had a new baby, we moved to a new city, we moved into a new house, the kids went to New Schools, and a lot of things happened and I of course still tried to grow my business keep everything running smoothly and everything so it was overwhelming at times as well. And I realized that there were moments where I didn't feel fully present with the kids. And I did and especially with my little one who's now one I can't believe she's one, but where I really want to be present when she takes her first step. As she was taking her first steps as she was started eating by herself with her spoon. When you know all these things. I have to admit I wasn't always 100% present. So for this year, I really said okay, I am going to scale back the time I invest into my business. I'm going, wow, it sounds scary when you actually say that out loud, but I'm going to step back a little bit more and dedicate more time to being present for my family. Because it is conversations like when I talk to my husband you're so stressed when he comes home at night because you feel like you haven't done anything and then you're working in the night and everything that's like, yeah, that really takes away from quality family time. So without compromising my business goals without compromising what I want to achieve. I have to go to other resources like automation, my assistant, my you know all these tools I have set into place, but me myself my personal time I'm going to invest I will scale that down so that I can really be there from a certain time really present for my children. Especially when my son comes home from school. I neither touch my phone or my laptop, nor nothing and just be with them and do fun things together. I will try not to work on the weekends anymore. And just consciously be there and enjoy and most importantly not have any guilt surrounding that because that would that's also really important for me once I'm clear on that. So I have my plan and all the all the math or automations and now putting into place I am getting more help from my assistant. So that's for me specific and measurable. I know it's achievable because I have been there before and I know I can get back to it. It is realistic, I think and yeah and timely. I know I'm going to put times because I know I'm going to have set days where I'm really going to work uninterrupted. And then I'm going to have set days and times where I'm not going to do that. I also don't want to get myself overwhelmed or be filled with even more stress when I know that somehow this this this new setup isn't going to be working for me. So I'm allowing myself to check back in, you know, after a month or two months or three months even and give myself the grace to adjust as I need to in order to stay true to what I have set out. So that is my big resolution.

Iva 37:50

I'll ask you again and check back

Desiree 37:52

No, not only next year but like I think this is important to check back this

Iva 37:59

It’s already out into the world so I can always play it back to you. No, no, no you know you know that that I don't mean it that way but I thank you so much for sharing because I do think that most of us do resonate with the being more present and enjoying more of the quality time with our kids. I had a conversation with a friend just recently. I remember when she was pregnant with her son. He's now 15. He's already looking into going to college and she is having like major attacks because he's almost out of the house. Right? She's in a completely new phase. But she is a great reminder of how quickly time can go by and what she's going through. And I'm like, let me hug my kids a bit more tonight because she already doesn't get to have that opportunity and her kid is cool now and he's like nope. So yeah, so that being said it's a bit playing the long game, but also wearing the present moment glasses to remind us that really all we have is the present moment. So we can imagine a future, we can have a vision, I am a great believer in that. That's what I do with my clients you know, we use the power of the subconscious to get us to where we want to go. But ultimately, we are in the here and the now. And if we can embrace the here and the now then any decision that we make is most likely going to be a great aligned decision that takes us into the direction where we want to go.

So to everyone out there. Have a wonderful and great start into 2023. We have so many more amazing episodes coming up amazing guests that we're interviewing and a couple of fun things that Des and I are planning so stay tuned for those. But we really really just want to wish you a great start into the year with a lot of inspiration and a lot of very deep rooted purpose into why we do what we do. And I just think that we have the best listeners. Because if you're a mompreneur doing all the things living abroad, loving your family but loving your passion and sharing your gifts with the world. It's already a great place to be no matter what your New Year's resolutions look like. You are doing amazing. So if nobody has said that kudos to you, mom. Keep doing all the amazing things and we will catch you on the next episode. Thanks for listening

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