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In Flow | Good by Balance, Hello Harmony Ep 17

Iva 1:17

Today is a very intimate one on one session with my business bestie Desiree Gonzales, Hi Des.

Desiree 1:37

Hi, Iva. I love this episode.


Iva 1:42

So we are all about being in harmony and enjoying the seasons of life and what does that actually mean for us and what are some insights that can help you as well do the same in this episode, that is the topic for today.

Desiree 2:01

Exactly. I mean, we have been speaking about this for the last few weeks, I think, also while you were here in Tokyo with me. And it's been such an important topic for us, right? Because we are in truly unique seasons of our life. And we have actually done an episode on seasons of life in our first season of this podcast. It was actually the first episode!

Iva 2:31

It was our very first episode. Yeah, we were very new to the podcasting world.

Desiree 2:39

Exactly. It'd be funny to put them side by side now. But I think a lot of time has passed in between and we've learned a lot also through all the amazing guests we've had on the show. We've grown a lot, we've added another baby to the podcasting family_ literally_ so it's I think it was time to re-evaluate and just talk about what the seasons of life mean for us now as busy moms, busy mompreneurs that are certainly striving to live in harmony and have long kicked out balance out the window because as we know, that just does not exist in motherhood.

Iva 3:24

Yes, yes. There's this energy of feeling pressure to be in balance. And it's one of the reasons why we ask this question to, to our guests when we have them come over because we get the sense that to be in balance, everything has to be measured equally. So we need to show up in equal measures and in equal ways as a mom as a spouse, as a friend, as a mom, as a daughter, sister everything right all the different roles, but being in harmony has more this energy of being in flow with what is _so whatever is coming at you, you're able to go in and out of it more seamlessly, more easily. And you're just not fighting reality in a sense. And so, one of the topics to kick start us into this today. What do we mean by being in harmony with the season of life that you might be in? It's an example that I just read recently in the news about Marie Kondo, and the title of the article said “Marie Kondo Reveals That She's Gotten Messier Since Having Kids” because apparently, she just welcomed baby number three. And for those who are not familiar with Marie Kondo, she has built this multi-billion empire based on you know, organizing your home and knowing how to put things in a certain way in your home in order to feel this sense of relief from the cluttering and from having chaos all around. And there's this whole philosophy to it. I'm probably butchering half of her philosophy. But what I wanted to share was that in the article, there's a quote where she says, “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time, at this stage of my life”, and that is a beautiful description of what it means to be in flow with the season that you're in. And we're using Marie as an example because, again, the cornerstone of her business is about being organized and clean and everything in order and she has now pivoted into a messy home. It is hard when you're a mom, it is hard when you have small kids to keep the house in order and fully organized. And so, I wanted to unpack that because, first of all, I think that you have a better appreciation for her humanity for being authentic and saying like, Yeah, I'm raising my hand here. I don't have it all together all the time. Even though that's what I help people with. So how many times ourselves going through this mompreneurship journey, where we are building a business when we are helping our clients when we are, you know, doing all the things, how many times have we have we scaled back or how are we feeling guilty or like an imposter, feeling that what we are all about in our business is not fully being portrayed at home somehow because this season of life that we're in at home is different?


Desiree 6:53

Exactly. Exactly. And that can really be like when you shared that with me earlier. I was like wow, it's first of all, it's amazing that she reveals that. That she admits that but it also reflects on the thing that many of our guests that have come on to this podcast have said when we asked them the harmony questions, what is it that they do? And a lot of them said: Give yourself grace, Right? Give yourself grace and just be in that season. Enjoy the seasons. Because there's no pressure as well. I mean, sometimes there is pressure involved, yes, but there is no need to rush through them. And you know, 10 years later, reflect back and think Wow, I feel like I've missed a lot of things. I feel I didn't enjoy them to the fullest. Whatever your definition of enjoyment is, whatever your level of harmony is, right? But everyone has their own unique definition of that. However, it is important that we take that moment for ourselves. And reflect upon that. What does harmony mean to me? Right? Does it mean that frantically ticking off your list of to-dos and doing things left and right. If that is so that gives you all the joy in life then then that's fine, right? But there are often I mean, we are surrounding ourselves with mompreneurs, and there are little ones involved who are certainly very unpredictable. And as much as we would love to go ahead and time block our day away or to you know, have our calendar full and organized and everything. It doesn't often work like that. We have to give ourselves grace, we have to have a certain flexibility in our schedule. I mean, it just happened again. For to me yesterday that my husband who is in the hospitality industry was spontaneously off for the day. And I had certain things planned for that day, but then he's like, Hey, Des, do you want to go and have lunch at this restaurant? And I said yes. I'd love to, you know in my mind, of course as I needed to do this and this and this but then on the second thought, I'm like, No, this is what gives me so much joy. This is where my harmony is going to be found today. And spending that quality time with my family because you know what? The other things I can do them later or another day who will measure me on that? Right? So it's really putting things into perspective.


Iva 9:53

Yes. And also if, I mean, there's that harmony that you so beautifully explained about. Okay, if this is the season that I am in, in which for example, my husband's work, his schedule, it's unpredictable or my children are very, very young, and I cannot plan naps to military precision because they are children and they, you know it will happen when it will happen, that sort of thing and then you become in harmony with that you try to go into this ease of okay, this is the flow that I need to go by. There's also this other harmony of maybe you are going through a very rough season of life, maybe there's a loved one that is going through a serious condition or sickness or you know, it also can be very challenging season of life and being in harmony with that doesn't mean that you're just going to be whistling away, pretending that everything is alright. You will be feeling the feelings, you will be going through perhaps the resentment, the anger, the sadness, the mourning if there's something that is you know, a loss of life. And that is a season that we also need to honor and give ourselves grace with regards to what comes up for us. So it's that respecting that life is like that. It's chaotic, but it's beautiful in its chaos, that it's messy, but it's beautiful in its in its mess, that it's all the things all the emotions but that's what makes us human. Because we are not robots. We cannot just will ourselves into feeling happy and fulfilled and productive all the time. We're also going to feel tired. We're also going to feel unmotivated. We're also going to feel all the feelings.

Desiree 11:38

Another beautiful thing is we are women, we are females, we have a certain cycle that we're flowing with, right which there are times when we feel a certain level of creativity. And there's other days that we don't and we need to respect that, because that is what our cycle brings to us. We need to remind ourselves we are women, right we have that. And so if it means you have your list of like projects you're working on, and maybe it's just not the time to sit down and forcefully try to hammer on this one project because it's not going to get you anywhere. Instead see what else you can do. How else can you use your energy that day, and it will be so much more productive.


Iva 12:30

And we have a great example of this because this is real life and this happened to us. So long story short, if you have been following us in on social media, you will know that this and I just came back from visiting her for the first time _this was the first time that we actually met in person after being business besties for three years, after having a podcast for three seasons already and going. It was the first time that we actually saw each other in person and she is the most lovely host ever. I felt.. thank you so much. So I want to put it out there because I am so thankful for the warmth of how you receive me, your family. Like everything, everything just like all the treats or the invitations or the other things so


Desiree 14:59

Like my, like my son said, “you are family already” 


Iva 15:06

And your kids are the cutest. They are just so adorable. So yeah, so we were we were spending time together and we had a busy schedule because we also wanted to see so many things together and Desiree had all this amazing like day trips and visits planned to different landmarks. But we also were working on this masterclass that is already live about How To Manifest With Ease. And that day, we were, you know, we were working around Gia’s naptime and she was sleeping or we were trying, you know, you were trying to make her sleep and so we were in a tight schedule because of her. And I was trying to get the ideas together and we were trying to record it and it was all beginning to feel a little bit hectic because there was also the time schedule of going to school and do all the things so at some point we said ‘okay, you know what, it's time. We need to go, this is not done. It's not finished. We'll get back to it. Let's go. Let's go have fun’ and we had an amazing day. I remember that we did so many fun things. But then we just enjoyed the moment, we went in flow, we were in harmony with what came up, which was a busy day, it was school run, Gia was not napping when we thought she was going to be, all the things. After dinner, after the kids went to bed. I was sitting down I remember in your beautiful office and I was just typing away the ideas and the you came and you said ‘hey do you want to do it tomorrow then since today apparently did not happen?’ And I think it was almost 11pm, And I said ‘no. Let's do it. Let's let's go for it. Let's see what happens.’ It was the sense of curiosity of just like, you know, are you up for it? And you were up for it even though I know you were very very tired but we recorded it and we did it in one sitting. 


Desiree 17:11

And we didn't have to edit a thing, it was recorded. We did it. It was spot on, 


Iva 17:23

It was exactly the 20 minutes that we had promised that masterclass was going to last so I guess case in point is that if we're trying to fight reality if we're trying to really go against what is happening in a way and frustration comes in, then we will feel like failures and then we will feel guilty and there's no need for that. So sometimes surrendering and letting go and being in flow is really what is needed. And this is just a micro example. It can be like a for bigger thing. Like I know it Des for you. You have a little one at home. And she is in a season of life where developmentally her sleep pattern is a little bit irregular, right and that's what it is. And that's how it goes right? So your season of life means I need to roll with the punches and I need to understand that lack of sleep is my baseline. I need to understand that is it's where I am right now. And so possibly in this season of your life you're not going to be over aiming for many things because you are also understanding the capacity and where you are.


Desiree 18:41

I mean, I certainly could be, I could be running myself down to the ground trying to still do all the things while having a little one there. But I mean, and that's why it's also so important to have that amazing magical support around you if it's your partner or your business bestie right. It's coming from just being able to talk to people it's like is it really worth it? Do you need to do that right now? Why don't you enjoy the season of your life and it really got me thinking and that is what my resolution for this year came from and I talk about it more in our first episode of this year, which was the Quitters Day episode. But that is my resolution, to really you know, embrace the season of life and to have these extra cuddles, to have this extra play time, to go to sleep together at one point you know with the kids especially when they're having trouble going to sleep and be okay with that and do not even carry any guilt with me because, you know, everything else I can do at a later point in my business and I mean who dictates my business? It's me, right? I’m the boss in my business. So I make that decision and I'm the one that's accountable for it but I'm accountable for it in harmony because I have something so beautiful right now which is my little daughter who just learned how to walk. It's such a beautiful phase and I don't want to miss a thing. 


Iva 20:22

So if you are in that space, and I think that I will make that link here because I think it's so important just to like drive it home. If you are in that in that season of life where  where you feel that yes in your business, in a way, needs to be tweaked a little bit, because you need to adjust for what's happening in your family, in your family life that is fine. You know, as Des said, this is your business. You're the one that runs the show at the end of the day. And even if you are in a bigger league like Marie Kondo where as I said, her branding is about home is spotless, everything is in its place and that's what you would expect her home to be because you're Marie Kondo right? And all of a sudden, she, you know, she voluntarily shares that with the world, with a big audience and a big platform_it's in the news, it's like a headline saying “Marie Kondo says that she's messy now”, well, yeah, because she needs that, there is a season to her life. There's a season that she cannot expect things to be a certain way.


Desiree 21:30

Yeah, but you know what, listening to that I respect her even more. You know, I feel like she's being so authentic. She's a mother. And we I think all of us moms are nodding along and maybe a little bit relieved. A little bit, ‘glad to hear that’, that takes a little bit of pressure away from all of us, doesn't it? So, it’s human. We do not have to be heroes all the time. Right? You can be anti-hero. 


Iva 22:04

Yes. Yes. You can be the antihero and raise your hand and say ‘hey, I don't I don't have it all together’ Because that's the other thing. You can have it all, but maybe not all at the same time. Maybe not all on the same day. Maybe not all on the same week. But you will get to experience it all 


Desiree 22:28

I love that you just brought that up again. Absolutely.


Iva 22:32

And we also have another phrase that we also use a lot. And I use it a lot with my clients, which is, you know, ‘do you reach for the popcorn or do you reach for the laptop?’ in our duality of mompreneurs of, you know, working in our business but also being a mom, raising a family, doing all the things right? Sometimes you are torn. Should I be having more fan? Should I be enjoying my family a little bit more? Or should I be using the spare time to really you know, finish that email to finish that thing that I need to do that I know it's important in a certain way? Well, whichever one you choose, there's this element of guilt sometimes of damned if you do, damned if you don't. But how about giving yourself that grace that Marie Kondo is giving herself of saying well, I know that I'm all about cleanliness and organizing and putting things away, but the season I'm in is about reaching for the popcorn, I'm just going to enjoy it. I'm going to enjoy it with a messy home, even though you know my brand and my business is all about something else. And then there's going to come another season for her where she's going to be like ‘No, I'm going to be reaching for the laptop.’ And so why are we not allowing ourselves to do the same?


Desiree 23:46

Exactly. Another part of harmony actually really means for me that I need to leave room in there. I need to leave room for magic. If we plan our day so meticulously, and we time block our calendar, and we have all of these things that we want to achieve and do, I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but we need to also leave some room for magic because you never know what's going to happen. You never know what's around the corner. There may be such a beautiful opportunity that you didn't know existed yesterday. Right? And if you were close to that and if you weren't willing to flow with that magic you may miss out on a lot of opportunities as well. 


Iva 24:37

So yeah, we could be we could be in that space of throwing a metaphorical tantrum and saying like why didn't it happen the way I wanted to? Well because something else and most of the times better is on its way or it's supposed to happen. And I also have a story about that because it happened just now and it ties in with this beautiful trip that I made to Japan, which was I was really gung-ho on, you know, my January like all cylinders firing away I have all these things, all this you know, plans that I had. And then boom, all of a sudden I received this amazing surprise from my business bestie who organized it along with my husband about you know, this birthday gift of 10 days in Japan with you. And I was like, the ticket was bought, like it was like, in a month's time you are going to be there in Tokyo. I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. But this is not a bad thing to plan. It's not about thing. It's not a bad thing to have a certain ideas of what you want to do and prepare yourself. You know, you need to schedule things so we need to live in the world. But sometimes those plans need to be pushed back. They just need to be readjusted and rescheduled because guess what? I got a ticket to go and visit my business bestie in Japan. Yeah. Like, all my appointments, cancel them all. I'll figure it out later. And you know what he was it was so amazing. It was I mean the trip itself the surprise everything was just great. But what I would like to report on my end is that after coming back my business has just been booming. It's like sometimes we feel that when we're taking a break we are like what's gonna happen? What's gonna happen if I take a break? What's going to happen if I just decide to pursue you know, that enjoyment for a little bit longer or I just put it first place instead of last? Like we tend to them? Right, we leave the treats for last. Well, I don't know but I have just experienced that you don't get punished. It's not it's not like you're a kid and it's eat your greens before your dessert. It's like no, you can eat your dessert and come back and have your greens and do your homework and do the things and you're still going to enjoy it possibly even more. So that has been my experience. And that is an invitation that we have for you for this year moving forward this invitation of yes, you can be in harmony, and you can be in flow and allow yourself grace to just navigate what's coming up. But also you can treat yourself without having to do the homework, air quotes. You can you can enjoy the things first and then go back to doing the adulting and it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine, you can you can manifest a life that is that moving forward. And so we are talking about this, we have spoken about it in our latest episodes about manifesting with ease and how we have through enjoyment, through laughing a lot, through having a lot of fun, this is how this podcast has ranked in the top places of the 70 Most popular mompreneur podcasts of 2022 and still going strong right now in the rankings of 2023. Number 11 by the way, lucky 11. And so we don't have a big audience. We don't have advertising money. We're not doing anything extraordinary with like a war chest and big pockets. We're doing it very organically, but we're doing it with this energy of, you know what we're allowing, allowing that room for magic. We're allowing that room for doing the things that light us up. And if you want to join us on this journey, we have something very special for you. 

So we have this Des mentioned at the beginning, this 20-minute masterclass Manifesting Made Easy For Busy Boss Moms and you can see what we're talking about. What is that glue that attracts beautiful things and situations and opportunities your way without the self-flagellation and the guilt and the and the pressure and the frustration and all the all those things that really take away from enjoyment of the season. that we're in.


Desiree 29:41

Exactly. So it's a beautiful opportunity to take time for yourself actually do something for yourself. It's going to be it's the masterclass but also hopefully you will join us on the 10-day Challenge that we've put out there afterwards. Where we're trying to collectively harness these energies into my some enjoyment of the season that we're in.


Desiree 30:09

Exactly. So it's a beautiful opportunity to take time for yourself actually, do something for yourself. It's going to be it's the masterclass but also hopefully you will join us at the 10-day Challenge that we've put out there afterwards, where we're trying to collectively harness these energies into manifesting what we truly want. And by doing that, first of all, taking time for yourself, but also easing yourself into your own season of life, whatever season that may be for you, to put you on this season of life, the flow of magic, where you get to enjoy the things that are coming for you for your family, for your business. And we'd love to guide you with that. It's been so enjoyable for us. It's been successful for us, and we would like to pay that forward and share that with you as well. And Iva has some amazing ways to get you manifesting. She has tips, she has hacks, she has methods that are just so amazing that I've been blown away I participated as a student in it as well for the first time around and it was just amazing and we have since built it out a bit more. We've also included essential oils in them as a way to hack yourself into the manifesting mode. biohacking if you are in a world that's just so noisy, that where you feel you cannot find the peace and the quiet and that you cannot find magic, but you can and we will show you how you can unlock that within yourself. So join us it'll be super fun. It'll be _we're putting a trigger warning out there. We're warning you right now that you realize your year may be about to change. So please go visit and we'll put all of that show notes as well better yeah, oily forward slash manifesting. Go have a look at the masterclass it's free. It already has so many amazing tips in there that you can implement straight away. But we really hope that you join us on our journey together. And that we may share a little bit of Desiree and Iva magic and energy with you.


Iva 32:47

Yes. Yes. So to you mama kudos for doing all the things, for showing up and also for your determination and commitment to making this year a better year for maybe possibly envisioning a life where you see more harmony in your life in all the different aspects of it, and that you also get the opportunity to join other like-minded women and moms like ourselves, who are on this path of sharing our gifts with the world from a place of joy and laughter and enjoyment. There's too much seriousness in the world. adulting is already a very you know, it's like a very hectic place to be but that's what it is. So why not bring a little bit more of light-heartedness into it. And that's what we're all about. So, come and join us. We're so happy to have you in our tribe. 

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